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Saturday, March 9, 2013

Parts Inventory

Sixty years is a lot of miles to put on a body.  Most things prime out probably half way through that and either get thrown out or handed down as heirlooms.  Not so with bodies.  We just patch them up a bit, retread if necessary, and put them back out on the highways.  I'm not naïve enough to think I'm an exception (wouldn't we all like to think we defy age?).  In the interest of the 60th birthday of my body, I thought it would be appropriate to take an inventory of the following:

Head--I'm still maintaining my original hair color, that is, I am not gray yet.  Nothing would please me more than a striking head of white hair like my mother had and one of my sisters has.  My hairdresser says I'm a few years from that, so in the meantime I touch up the gray roots here and there and Clairol on!

Brain--Holding its own.  I have that instant word recall challenge occasionally, but I think I'm in good company with even 20 year olds on that.  All the brain research I'm doing (and believe me, this is a conscious effort) leaves me optimistic!  Books, knitting, crossword puzzles, travel.

Eyes--I am down to ONE original contact (originals were purchased in 1969) which may seem odd, but in reality I see better than I EVER have and no longer even use old lady glasses to read!  I know this sounds like a big fat lie, but I lieth not.  I attempted to be fitted for a replacement contact a year ago when my right one poofed into thin air, but after $400 worth of optometrist bills and conflicting test results, I say, "Eh, I'm good with one."

Mouth--My teeth aren't as white as they once were.  At my last cleaning, the technician magnanimously threw in a $200 whitening kit.  So far I can't get into the solution.  I know that's lame, but it seems to be made of kryptonite!  I haven't had a cavity for a decade or so.  Crowns abound.  Some recession.  Check check.

Upper Lip--What's with these annoying cracks??? Short of a vat of Noxzema, I'm thinking they're new unevictable tenants.  And whiskers???  Really??????  Cruel, Mother Nature...cruel.

Chin--Yet again...cruel, Mother Nature...cruel.  I came into possession of a magnifying mirror which shows every crevice and errant hair much like a topographical map.  I had no idea.  Why hair?  Why there?  Why now?

Neck--It seems shorter.  And squattier.  Must be that heavy brain from all the books and knitting.

Neck down--Down.  Down.  Down.  Everything is moving south.  It reminds me of one of those slow moving mud slides.  Only without anything to ever stop it except the floor.  I guess at that point we just hoist it back up for another ride down???

General internal organs etc.--Good.  Very good.  Ticking, gurgling, humming.  Knock on GIANT REDWOOD WOOD!!!!!

Bones--My last density test put my bones nearly off the charts.  Is it OK to boast about your bones???

Hands--I have these large freckly spots.  I've seem them on other old hands in my family.  Research tells me to clean out my liver and rub my hands with lemon juice.  Also my skin is getting crepey--like crepe paper.  Ah, farewell my one vanity...we had a good run. 

Legs--Still pumping.  As soon as I get to this 60th day, I'm going to really work on my legs.  It's all about mobility, you know.

Knees--Don't ever want to replace them (repeat 10 times daily).

Feet--Exceptionally useful, but not that attractive. 

Toes--I walked into a glass patio door in Pennsylvania a few years ago.  My left bitty itty toe has never really been the same after that break.  So I wear a lot of sandals and kick off my shoes at the least opportunity.  My toenails fall off periodically under duress.

Skin--Interesting.  Evolving.

And that's it.  I should take more vitamins, cut out potato chips, and be more proactive.  I think that will be my lead in to 61...


Shelly said...

I'm hopeful that I'm doing just as good or anywhere near when I'm 60. Superior genes at their best.

Patti said...

A granddaughter noticed the crepey skin and the chin hairs this trip. I better get a better mirror!

Favorite books

  • Me 'n Steve
  • Thundering Sneakers
  • James Herriott's vet books
  • The Count of Monte Cristo
  • Travels with Charley
  • A Walk in the Woods
  • Peace Like a River
  • The Egg and I
  • Mary Poppins
  • Extremly Loud Incredibly Close
  • How Green Was my Valley