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Sunday, November 7, 2010

Up To Our Knees In 'Em

The editors of Old-House Interiors magazine:
If you think your house is plagued with flies this year, consider this: If a pair of houseflies began mating on the first day of summer and every member of every generation of offspring survived and reproduced at the maximum rate, the resulting fly population would cover the Earth three feet deep by the first day of fall!

We here at Provident Heritage Farm agree. Therefore we are focusing our attentions on male fly castration. We are catching male flies by the thousands, and in a very carefully controlled lab removing their tiny male parts one by one. It's a slow process. We initially looked into fly traps and sprays, but we decided on castration because we think it will send a message to the fly population that WE MEAN BUSINESS! Our hope is that 1) the males will eventually choose celibacy 2) at some point natural selection will take over and only the weakest flies will be left to mate resulting in a diminished population 3) the resulting neutered flies will spread the word once they leave our lab. That's our campaign and we're sticking to it.

1 comment:

Aubrey Norby said...

Hilarious! Hopefully the brisk winter weather I hear you get up there will substantially put a dent in the pest population.

Favorite books

  • Me 'n Steve
  • Thundering Sneakers
  • James Herriott's vet books
  • The Count of Monte Cristo
  • Travels with Charley
  • A Walk in the Woods
  • Peace Like a River
  • The Egg and I
  • Mary Poppins
  • Extremly Loud Incredibly Close
  • How Green Was my Valley