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Thursday, April 3, 2008


I "accused" one of my students today of being unfailing and bottomless blog material. Mr. "W" (the same bloke who had his eyes forcibly bikini waxed with tape a few months ago) has this retainer that he flicks constantly out of his mouth sort of like a lizard tongue. Retainers in seventh grade are a common sight--lots of dental moving and shifting, orthodontic appointments, and tons of metal flashed up at me. But Mr. "W" can't leave his alone. Today he was flipping it in and out in and out, and it flew out onto the carpet (a veritable ocean depository of seventh grade scum, sputum, and booger remnants). I said, "Mr.'W', someday that retainer is going to land in something which could very well infect you and cause twitches." He replied, "That already happened last week out in the field. It landed in the cytoplasm (his words EXACTLY) from the newborn calf. But I washed it off in the trough." Oh...Cytoplasm...Trough...Way too much information. I can't wrap my head around where else that retainer has been. Better him than me. If I came across cytoplasm I think I'd call Ghostbusters, and anything with trough conjures up images of green moss, water skippers, and the beginnings of plagues capable of wiping out whole countries. We do actually have a trough here at Rancho-Take-a-Your-Money-and-Wave-Bye-Bye. As soon as the snow blanket melts here, perhaps we'll sidle some little llama bodies up to it. Or a piggie. Or a lamb. Maybe Mugsy. But I hope to NEVER EVER find a retainer in it. That's just wrong.


Patti said...

Bleeeaaaah! I admit to eating stuff of the floor but even I have my limits! And where did you come across that marvelous Captain Underpants? Tra-la-la! Just finished "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close". Brilliant! Thanks for suggesting it. Thanks for inviting me to the blog. I feel so Cinderella-y! I'll be back! :D

Ruuddudes said...

Oh, my heck, that's funny! I know EXACTLY who Mr. W is. I had my fair share of his saliva flying around the room when I subbed for you. That retainer has got to be diseased for sure. I'm laughing! Too funny!

Shell said...

Then again, with all the "bugs" this kid has come in contact with, his immune system can probably withstand anything and he may be the answer to an important cure for disease someday. (ref. I Am Legend)

Mad Hadder said...

The Captain Underpants resides at the Scholastic headquarters on 5th Ave. in NYC. Yes, isn't he smashing???

Dannyel Crane said...

Loved your post! Hope you don't mind me enjoying your blog. It was fun to come across. How is Shelly? We miss Bear Lake.

Shell said...

Way to go with the rhyme time on Miss Nemesis!
I'm so proud.

Anonymous said...

Yes....Indeed well done on the Miss Nemesis rhyme. Absolutely brilliant!

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Favorite books

  • Me 'n Steve
  • Thundering Sneakers
  • James Herriott's vet books
  • The Count of Monte Cristo
  • Travels with Charley
  • A Walk in the Woods
  • Peace Like a River
  • The Egg and I
  • Mary Poppins
  • Extremly Loud Incredibly Close
  • How Green Was my Valley