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Monday, April 13, 2009

Insomnia


Lately I've been waking up in the midnight to 1 A.M. slot. Very consistently for the past two weeks or so. Why? Why?? and Why again??? Now it's 3-ish. Be that as it may, thank heavens for the internet! Would that it would make me sleepier, but it does the opposite! This morning I've been perusing worm composters. No clue how I got started there. I'm thinking perhaps I was inspired. So, do you think Paco needs one of these for his birthday? This one almost looks pagoda-esque there under the blossoms, doesn't it? I think we could probably even keep it in the house--put remotes on top or maybe magazines. I need to make a note to myself that common earthworms (the kind we have in abundance that make our lawn lumpy) don't breed well in captivity (perhaps we could trick them into thinking they were guests--put chocolates on their pillows, call them for breakfast...), so you need to import worms. I found a worm farm in Arizona that would sell us 2 pounds of worms for around $13. How do you think they ship those? Maybe we'll have to buy them a bus ticket! They like a temperature between 55 and 72 degrees. Hmmmm....are these worms going to need to share our electric blanket in the winter??? They eat kitchen scraps (not dairy or anything oily) and junkmail!!!! Yes, junkmail!!!!! I'm digging this!!!!!! These composters have a spigot on the side which dispenses "worm tea" which I guess will make hair grow on the chests of my houseplants or at least add a degree of robustness to their speaking voices. I also looked up some stuff on composting in the classroom. Little Shop of Horrors!!!! I could recycle students!!! Or at least their essays. FLASH!!! FLASH!! BEEP!!! BEEP!! STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS MAY FOLLOW!!! PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!! IN THE EVENT THAT THIS BLOG POST TURNS RANDOM, MOVE AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER!!! MOVE AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER!! I need a Venus Flytrap on my front porch! MOVE NOW AND NO ON WILL BE INJURED!!! Anyone who read my blog back in its infancy will recall that the fly problem here nearly sent me over the edge. All right, it DID send me over the edge. I harangued and harangued about fly stalking. It was ugly. Post after post ad nauseum. I now....drum roll....have a vacuum sucker dustbuster sort of thing which works like magic! I'm sucking up flies and VERY good at it, I might add. I haven't quite mastered sucking them out of the air, but I corner them in the windows and that's all she wrote for the scoundrels!!!!! It's a beautiful thing. Here it is in all its radiant apocolyptic glory. Couldn't you just eat it???? Just never you mind that I'm stroking the spout. Then (because my sucker has a semi-translucent holding tank) I am also getting extra jollies by watching them squirm. Justice. The only problem is that I'm paranoid that they're starting to get conditioned, and when I rev up my buster, I'm suspicious that they are learning to react quicker. My imagination? Eventually they decompose --HEY, I'm back to my original theme!!! DISREGARD ANY PREVIOUS WARNINGS. EMERGENCY AVERTED--and I just throw the remains in the trash. But now I'm thinking maybe I could add the fly remains to the worm composter!!!!! Good on ME!!!!!! It IS TOO easy bein' green!!!!!!!!!!!! 3:15.....3:16...

2 comments:

Jill said...

So sorry you have insomnia, but I do love those insomnia posts! Quite interesting, to say the least.

David and Shelly said...

Hey, maybe that is why Pete consistently wakes up smack dab on the 5th hour of the morning. I mean you can set your watch by this guy. Its like he hates that hour or something. He is squirmy all hour until he finally settles down. He is never quite awake he is just unsettled, thus keeping me up. If only you were closer, your early morning wake-ups would have a purpose.
Glad you finally solved the fly sucker mystery. Did you ever get that Shark floor cleaner that I told you to order???

Favorite books

  • Me 'n Steve
  • Thundering Sneakers
  • James Herriott's vet books
  • The Count of Monte Cristo
  • Travels with Charley
  • A Walk in the Woods
  • Peace Like a River
  • The Egg and I
  • Mary Poppins
  • Extremly Loud Incredibly Close
  • How Green Was my Valley