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Sunday, July 29, 2012

Shhhh!!! What was that??

I make no pretense about country living.  It can be gritty and unsettling.  For instance, at the moment two dead birds are decomposing under our crabapple tree.  Inevitably I will put on my "big girl jammies", shut my eyes, plug my nose, and hope that the direction I've pointed myself in and the movements I've made with my arms and a dustpan will result in contact and subsequent disposal.  If I calculate steps correctly I can fling the birds over the fence away from the house with my eyes shut and my nose incapacitated.  I've practiced a few times.  Earlier in the summer the neighbor's dog (Dear Santa, Please bring me an airgun.) feasted on another dead bird spewing feathers, carcasses, and small birdie feet all over  the lawn.  Before I could clean that up, she'd added a half-eaten raccoon to the mix.  Picture me green.  Her beagle counterpart regularly knocks over the trash and rummages for delicacies--boule (look it up, and you'll be flabbergasted that a beagle would have a taste for such), decaying meat from refrigerator cleaning day, a whole bag of catsup and mustard samples from Subway, and yes...diapers.  Mayhem.  Decay.  Dung.  Like I say--gritty and unsettling.  And THAT'S outside!!!  Inside is not much better.  I've posted about scratching noises under the floorboards beneath this computer, a walking talking SCRATCHING SQUEEKING oven, a bird who flew down from the library (origin still unknown), flies ad nauseum, mice taking up residency, and bats from HELL!!!  We actually went 4 years without bats, but this year they are back.  Of course they are.  I'm bunking in the loft this summer because I gave my 5 week guests the bedroom.  The scratch scratch scratch up there within the walls or under the eaves or behind the filing cabinet curls my skin!!!!  I KNOW it is bats!!!!!  Bats in the attic, bats in the fireplace, bats in the belfry!!!!  And then there's the mouse.  Not the one who died feet up on the kitchen floor, not the one who staggered into the middle of the family room and collapsed, not the one who cowered to his death facing the corner of the library bathroom.  THIS mouse is bold.  He STRUTS around the family room between the entertainment center and some drawers by the woodstove.  He sickens me with his nonchalance!!!!!!  The least he could do is scurry!!!!  I surrounded him tonight with poison bait.  DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT FORCE ME TO SET A TRAP!!!!  Just take the bait and die.  Smell a few days if you must, but just die--preferably far far away.  I profess to be genteel.  I read a lot of books, knit quietly, sip tea, watch British series, vote conservatively.  Carnage?  Not so much.  Decomposition?  Keep it in the compost bin.  Bird parts?  Just cooked chicken ones.  Raccoons?  Just Rocky.  Bats??  Inside quilts and dugouts.  Mice?  At the side of my computer, thank you.  Scratching??????  Inside my longjohns.  Oh, and then there was the day I dscovered a pulsing afterbirth at the side of the water trough, and the day,Talia, our mother alpaca, was frothing at the mouth...and the day...

1 comment:

Patti said...

That is NOT a pretty picture! I've moved straight to the traps at my house. I enjoy the satisfying "snap" but you are braver than I. My knight in shining armor does the cleanup. Ugh!

Favorite books

  • Me 'n Steve
  • Thundering Sneakers
  • James Herriott's vet books
  • The Count of Monte Cristo
  • Travels with Charley
  • A Walk in the Woods
  • Peace Like a River
  • The Egg and I
  • Mary Poppins
  • Extremly Loud Incredibly Close
  • How Green Was my Valley