"...and now a word from Mugsy."

"The Envelope please..."

In the event of a tie I would have asked this question: What did I find bone dead behind my knitting basket? You would have hummed and hawed at that, but hopefully come up with this:

But due to the stellar technology which logs in comment times, a tie breaker is not needed. Without further ado, the winner of the contest is Malsy (who is really my awesome NJ friend, Malissa, who runs marathons and is gorgeous) with D!! Laurel followed a mere 23 minutes later with the correct answer also. She's probably doubly happy that she's lounging in southern California with a new grandbaby as opposed to swatting the very same flies that I'm driving out of my house up the road to hers. I was flattered that so many of you pictured me writing to the president! Thank you! Dismayed that so few wanted me to prance around on the deck, and even fewer would attribute pre-dawn weeding to my skills.
Yes, I must confess that my fly obsession took me out onto the front steps clad only in my front-gaping bathrobe to suck up some flies who were doing a raspberry at me from the other side of the porch windows. I surprised even myself. If this all goes down badly and I break, you can nod knowingly and say sadly, "We saw it coming."
"I've got a loaded dustbuster, and I'm coming after you, winged vermin of hell..."

"I'll Take 'Useless Random Trivia' for 80, Alex."

The first person to correctly answer this question will receive a SPAM fridge magnet! I won't post the correct answer until tonight at 10 P.M. MST, so keep those entries coming.
OK. Here we go. HOW DID I CROSS "OVER THE EDGE" THIS MORNING?

A. I TOOK A SHOWER after BREAKFAST INSTEAD OF BEFORE.
B. I POSTED A LETTER TO PRESIDENT OBAMA ON THE WHITE HOUSE WEBSITE CONGRATULATING HIM ON HIS EDUCATION SPEECH TO THE STUDENTS OF AMERICA.
C. I ATE BREAKFAST ON THE DECK IN MY SKIVVIES.
D. I TOOK MY GREEN DEATHSTAR OUTSIDE IN SEARCH OF FLIES.
E. I READ IN BED FOR 90 MINUTES.
F. I HARMONIZED WITH PACO IN A CHORUS OF "ON THE TRAIL OF THE LONESOME PINE".
G. I WAS IN THE GARDEN WEEDING BEFORE DAYLIGHT ACTUALLY ARRIVED.

Good luck!

"Do you want flies with that?"

Lest any of you think I have my fly problem in check, I feel it necessary to give you an honest update. We here at Peruvian Acres take our job of bringing you on-the-spot coverage of all things bright and beautiful all creatures great and small very seriously. It's a radiant perfect late summer day here. Paco is out in his new cowboy hat (yes, you read that right. He now has the COMPLETE outfit right down to the belt buckle) weeding the corral YET again. I am guaranteed a lunch break by my union, so he's solo at the moment. We've weeded it (spending an average of 12 man hours each time) THREE BLEEPING TIMES this summer!!! And the next person who asks me what we grew out there this summer I'm going to knock into tomorrow!! Nothing...that's what..nothing. Just weeds. And rocks. And a few onions which came up of their own accord. Maybe a handful of strawberries. May was May. June turned it into a swamp. July? With the chance of another freeze on July 21, we opted out. But I must add a caveat--we've worked like slaves. Enough said. Back to the flies. This is their sticky "I wanna be RIGHT by you!!! I LOVE you!!!!" season. The good news is that they are somewhat lethargic. Fall/winter is setting in and they know their footloose days are numbered. In their frantic (yet druggy) attempt to find a warm spot to hunker down and breed all winter, they are making a mass exodus indoors. But they're still lethargic. Sort of slow and glalumphy. But what they lack in energy they make up in sheer mass. I've taken to them this morning with my green fly deathstar machine. My gigantic Texas flyswatter is in shreds. I don't think it was made for the likes of me. I Windexed a couple of guys in the library with great relish. And I sheepishly admit that I also chased several around with a paper towel, and when I cornered them...well, it wasn't pretty. The good news is that my reflexes are improving. But the bad news is that the fly season is yet, alas, very very young. And that's the way it is.

How's My Driving?

Have you ever actually called those numbers on the backs of semi's? We were booking it across Iowa a few weeks ago. A large multi-wheeled vehicle in front of us--No wait!--he was at our side! No, never mind-- there he is in front! No, cancel that! He's to the right! Whoa! The left! No small feat when you're as large as some countries! I immediately dropped my knitting, took out my cell phone, and dialed the number on his rump. My message was brief and to the point. I gave the recording our location, the time of day, the truck's ID number, and a curt little message about the state of our nerves. As we passed this guy later, I couldn't help but turn my head back to see what kind of a SOCK MONKEY this company had working for it. For all I know that recording is the trucking equivalent of the dead letter office, but still...it felt good to vent.
Wouldn't you love to be able to call numbers like that when you see parents stuffing Twinkies in the grocery cart while their kid shuffles alongside about 30 pounds overweight or when cavemen are blasting their radios like they are the sole inhabitants of earth or when somebody's cell phone goes off in a movie or when a telemarketer calls at 10 P.M.? When else?????

Visiting "Mecca"

And as the sun slowly sinks into the west bringing this summer to a screaming halt, we pause to reflect, reminisce, and wonder "Just why has it taken me 56 years to make it to the SPAM Museum?" A mere 20 miles off the main drag to Minneapolis. Austin--peaceful little Mayberryesque town. And nestled right in the middle (in what used to be a K-mart) sits Hormel's 15,000 square foot homage to all that is good and decent about modern civilization...the SPAM Museum. Was the highlight learning that SPAM pretty much won WWII for us? The gripping 14 minute movie history? Margaret Thatcher admittedly serving it to diplomats for tea? Actual letters from presidents of the United States thanking Hormel for improving international relations? Burns and Allen TV ads? The SPAM Tower? A darn tooting cute puppet show--"This is Your Life, SPAM" featuring a can of SPAM on a couch? A heart-stopping gift shop?..look for the debut of my SPAM rain poncho! Or the diminuative white-haired Aunt Bea-esque relic who walked around with a tempting tray of sample chunks of warm SPAM speared with a pretzel? I'm voting the SPAM Museum my number one summer pick of truly novel experiences. Go. Put Paris and the Grand Canyon on the back burner for now. Embrace your inner SPAMman. And no it does NOT contain all the toxic waste dump ingredients we all thought it did. Nasty viscious rumors one and all! Just some pork shoulder, salt, nitrates, and water. As American (AND Healthy!) as American pie. Or so said Monty Python...

You Betcha...

We've been in Minneapolis for a few days--roadtrip--via Cody and Mt. Rushmore. Loved the Mt. Rushmore segment. Put it on your list. We've been doing the muck out thing in multiple locations, put in a token appearance at a golfing resort for several days, and are off to a baptism tomorrow. I like Minnesota. I can't talk it nor do I understand it when it's spoken to me much of the time, but for the most part Minnesota agrees with me. The big disappointment has to have been the complete and utter lack of Moose Farkel ANYWHERE in the Mall of America. I had to settle for buying six Minnesota dice at a game store. We've been making do.